Wednesday, February 18, 2015
50 Shades of Gringo Sexual Dysfunction
Now, I'm not bragging that our humping is especially awesome. I'm lamenting that many uptight unromantic moderns are so incapable of real passionate love that this book and film actually seem erotic to them. Likewise, my tasteless public admission to having constant breathless satisfaction without the use of jumper cables or hot wax will strike some unfortunates as insensitive boasting. Still, why don't we talk about the root of the problem rather than shooting the cocky annoying messenger?
Of course, women still need a little loss of control to make it primal and exciting. So, young women fantasize about vampires who might kiss or kill you, while older women flock to this film about a handsome stranger who offers a dungeon of somewhat painful but hopefully not lethal toys. Ridiculously, many of these same women would consider maximizing pleasure by including real love and intense adoration from a man good enough to be trusted when he is ravaging you with muscles capable of terminating you to be unrealistic. Romance is no longer fashionable among the jaded. (Likewise, some folks with a sexually-transmitted disease consider peeing without a burning sensation to be a quaint old-fashioned memory, but not many are shameless enough to brag about it.)
I'd love to chat more, but this little girl needs and deserves all this old guy has to give. Since I don't use whips or Viagra, I have to rely on lots of time and love ... and torque and thrust. Whoever said Mexico is a country without much consumer technology was a damn fool. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go consume her technology right now. May the force be with me and all of you hopeless romantics who refuse to settle for less than red hot true love.