Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Primate Professor Returns to the Jungle

After a year of wilderness homesteading on my Mexican desert ranch and a month of wild pollenating on my Mexican desert flower, I have planted my white gringo ass on the jungle beaches of Huatulco, Oaxaca. Another chapter in my life. The rainforest-encircled Universidad del Mar has invited this primitive American ape to thump his chest and swing on a tire in a professor's office. I must now write more books too.

Instead of bemoaning the uncivilized nature of my scribblings, as sensitivity police do, an enlightened university understands that anytime a savage beast stops scratching himself long enough to attempt written communication is a moment for academic celebration. People who don't buy my books are really animal haters. Women who find my rudementary gestures and crude mating overtures to be cute rather than disgusting are true animal lovers.

Such compassion for the lower life forms can often generate enough good karma to let a girl acheive multiple nirvanas in one night. So, readers should expect my forthcoming dispatches to have a beach or rainforest flavor - except when I cannot remember where the hell I am, in which case they will probably have a pineapple, coconut, and rum flavor. Sitting in a paradise, gawking at a pair of breasts, working on a paragraph: I'm not goofing off; this is actually my job.

Female readers visiting Mexico are urged to book a night at my seaside B & B (bed and breastfest). Our generous package includes a massage, a bottle of cheap wine, a bouquet of flowery conversation, an ancient fertility ritual, and a shamanistic/ showeristic cleansing. (Ritual and cleansing can be repeated hourly in Kama Sutra variations for the truly spiritual. Guests who tell friends just how generous our package is receive all hospitality services free of charge.

It wouldn't be such a lonely planet, if more guidebooks offered B & B with R & R plus T & A like our fine establishment does. Backpackers will find us to be a great hostel but a bit hostile if they refuse to accept a double-strength shamanic cleansing on arrival. Namaste but no more stay! We are proud to offer a smoke and stink free environment plus a resident traditional healer with a nearly-guaranteed cure for hot lesbians. Ask about our "technically bisexual" discount!


21 comments:

  1. Welcome to Huatulco !!!!!

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  2. Welcome to Huatulco, I hope your stay at this destination is the most profitable and serve isnpiracion you to write more books. Good luck to survive in the Umar, I believe that if there is a real jungle full of wild beasts, obviously there are some ecepxiones;)

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  3. welcome to huatulco excellent photography.

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  4. Huatulco is a beautiful place, this is quiet, is very small where you can live peacefully. Welcome to Huatulco

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  5. you should put the name of the beach, further describe the place to which we all feel part of it. the photo is good.

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  6. Ana Patricia: hi lynfuchs welcome to huatulco. I was reading your releases and I think it's very interesting, I someday would like to read his books, you are very funny.

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  7. Huatulco is beautiful, I hope your stay pleasant and enjoy it . It is a magical place where you can find a real encounter with the beautiful beaches of Mexico . welcome

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  8. Huatulco known for his extravagant main 9 bays, place of relaxation, leisure, fun, adrenalin, being in contact with nature.
    Huatulco where the sunrises and sunsets are unique, a place where hospitality is special and custom and traditions are unforgettable. Welcome to Huatulco Oaxaca.

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  9. No, you never die, you protect soil
    a sea caresses and blesses a sky
    soil , agency fertilities and infinitismos
    a sky , a gospel
    tormo spilling in your frivolities
    divine truth in your catechism
    and a sea that is a mantle
    blue, God put in your brown skin
    to gently pat the song
    love with nature says
    his love , his passion , his sentence .
    Hymn to the coast.
    Alvaro Carrillo.

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  10. This is an excellent photography. I like Huatulco.
    There are beautiful beaches

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  11. Cacaluta is the most beautiful bay in Huatulco

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  12. the image of the beach is beutiful, the sand is soft the beach is peaceful.

    lourdes maya aquino

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  13. Sara Gabriela Estrada AltamiranoAugust 10, 2015 at 8:43 PM

    In this photo you can notice the beauty of Huatulco and tranquility that can offer this place , which is ideal for travel and desestrezarte daily routine .

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  14. ERIK ALEXIS GIJON GONZALEZ: Huatulco is very beautiful place and also has natural riquesas

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  15. Huatulco is one of the best pleace in Oaxaca Mexico.
    It has a lot to offer. goob beaches, good people
    and very safe. and it is true, there are many nice but wild animals.

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  16. Huatulco is a wonderful place with very clean beaches and most of all serves to de-stress and live with your family or friends

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  17. It is a very interesting article, because huatulco is a treasure to be discovered

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  18. I like this photo because the landscape is beautiful, the sky is fantastic and the sea is fabulous.
    Rubi Alvarez.

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  19. Nathaly Escobar RamírezAugust 10, 2015 at 10:46 PM

    Hi, professor i am very pleased to read your blog, it is not ordinary but amusing.

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  20. The sun, the beaches and all is beautiful here.
    Welcome to Huatulco Lyn. It's a pleasure to be his student.

    Yolia Guzmán

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