Wednesday, February 18, 2015

50 Shades of Gringo Sexual Dysfunction

My dangerously sexy Mexican woman and I performed our Valentine's Day duty by attempting to sit thru the "romantic movie" deemed "must see" by the global culture arbitrators of New York. What a joke! About half way thru the S & M feel good hit of the season 50 Shades of Grey, we looked at each other and laughingly exclaimed, "Pobre gringos!" Our pity for white folks stemmed from the naked fact that the allegedly hot sex in this chic flic is about as smoldering as the sex she and I have when she's sick and I'm tired.

Now, I'm not bragging that our humping is especially awesome. I'm lamenting that many uptight unromantic moderns are so incapable of real passionate love that this book and film actually seem erotic to them. Likewise, my tasteless public admission to having constant breathless satisfaction without the use of jumper cables or hot wax will strike some unfortunates as insensitive boasting. Still, why don't we talk about the root of the problem rather than shooting the cocky annoying messenger?

There was a recent time in America when machismo idiots (men who disrespect women) wondered how they could mistreat and cheat on their wives without destroying the spark of the relationship. A stupid and degenerate question. Today, feminist idiots (women who disrespect men) are desperately pondering how women can have sex with guys they hardly know who have no love for them without any risk of being mistreated. Another dumb and perverted inquiry. I used to see lots of American men going to enormous lengths to avoid the consequences of their infidelities and lies. Now, I see lots of American women devising "rape culture guidelines" to reduce the dangers of sex with a bad man who doesn't give a shit about them. Another fool's errand.

Of course, women still need a little loss of control to make it primal and exciting. So, young women fantasize about vampires who might kiss or kill you, while older women flock to this film about a handsome stranger who offers a dungeon of somewhat painful but hopefully not lethal toys. Ridiculously, many of these same women would consider maximizing pleasure by including real love and intense adoration from a man good enough to be trusted when he is ravaging you with muscles capable of terminating you to be unrealistic. Romance is no longer fashionable among the jaded. (Likewise, some folks with a sexually-transmitted disease consider peeing without a burning sensation to be a quaint old-fashioned memory, but not many are shameless enough to brag about it.)

Nearly complete disclosure: I like rough aggressive animal passion. (I don't always stop holding down my screaming princess when she begs me somewhat insincerely to do so.) I also like tender sweet love under a soft quilt on a rainy afternoon. However, I have no use for sex without love and respect. When these passion catalysts are lacking, one must go to extremes to get off. Whether you are eating donuts and watching cartoons all day or suffocating someone with a plastic bag and burning them with a cigarette lighter, calling it an alternative lifestyle doesn't make it less sad. America challenged nature by splitting the atom with amazing and horrifying consequences. Splitting the miraculous bond and timeless codependance between men and women in the name of individual liberty may be America's psychological and spiritual undoing.

I'd love to chat more, but this little girl needs and deserves all this old guy has to give. Since I don't use whips or Viagra, I have to rely on lots of time and love ... and torque and thrust. Whoever said Mexico is a country without much consumer technology was a damn fool. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go consume her technology right now. May the force be with me and all of you hopeless romantics who refuse to settle for less than red hot true love.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Bad-ass Moses and his Kick-ass God

Just saw the Ridley Scott and Christian Bale Moses epic that will be spreading around the globe this week. Worth seeing for thrills and for ideas. While Hollywood has distaste for Mel Gibson's ethnic bitterness, they still dig his crowd-pleasing formulas. This film often recalls the Celtic swordplay of Braveheart, the slavery shock of Apocalypto, and the grim mysticism of Passion of the Christ. Melodramatic but way more fun than church - even if they were to allow popcorn and partial nudity at church. (Yes, I've suggested it, but nooooo!)

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Publisher Scores Babe and Scorns Blog

Recently an intelligent, spiritual and smokin' hot girl offered me her heart and various other fascinating parts of her anatomy. Like Moses, I took off my shoes because I stood nearly trembling on holy ground. Unlike Moses, I removed other articles of clothing before smiting the "Red Sea" with my staff.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Pedophilia, Public Education, and Other Crimes

While Saint Louis police, Ferguson residents, and media hacks were more interested in promoting their agendas than getting at the truth, author Rick Skwiot was polishing a crime novel that accurately portrays the harsh realities of governmental and educational corruption in Saint Louis slums. I just finished my review copy of Fail. This is the thinking man's Grisham, which is to say: it's the book John Grisham would write if he were more interested in fine literature than raking in money and empathizing with pedophiles.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Muslim Gone Bad Attacks Canada's Capital

Since representatives of the bad apple wing of Islamic faith (those who think others shouldn't be allowed to choose their own spirituality or speak their own convictions without threat of death) have attacked Canada's capital today, I am here reposting one of our most popular and profound articles. Just as the world had to deal with Hitler's diabolical twist on Christianity, Islam has a cancerous growth within it that cannot be ignored. The best response would be for global Muslims to repudiate and annihilate these deadly spreading diseased cells. If they can't or won't, others will have to step up. I encourage my Muslim friends to be the most devout about ridding the world of demented versions of Islam. It's better when you do as much as possible to clean up your own house. However, one way or another, these losers who refuse to respect the rights of others are gonna have to be taken out. Here's a repost of "Lyn Fuchs Named Terrorist Suspect."

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Smooth Getaway Postcard From Shenandoah Valley

Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley is not merely noted for lovely scenery, though its position between the Blue Ridge and the Allegheny Mountains certainly provides beautiful landscapes. The area also played an important role in the history of the United States, from its time as a British colony through its tragic Civil War and beyond.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Why I Have Rights Most People Don't

Just received my new U.S. passport. This document allows me to travel faster, cheaper, more easily and to more destinations than most people can. An ugly truth but still the truth. Why am I more entitled to access the world than billions of other folks. I will now explain exactly why.

The founders of my country were not mega religious. Yet, they acknowledged the existence of heavenly management and the existence of divinely given rights that governments cannot take away without showing contempt for both the masses and the Creator.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Cantinflas Can't Even Entertain Us

Cantinflas is one of those English and Spanish films that Latinos in The United States are supposed to make their kids watch so they can appreciate their cultural roots. Yet, culture worth celebrating and preserving doesn't have to be forcefed. This movie is as barely Latino as it is proudly Latino - like Eva Longoria. The director apparently wanted to use every possible device to imply that Mexican comedian Cantinflas was the funniest guy ever, except one: showing Cantinflas actually being funny.