Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Meditate On Author Raji Lukkoor's Butt

That's right people: you can meditate on Raji Lukkoor's butt. I don't mean focus your inner eye above her inner thigh. I mean borrow her butt for a climactic metaphysical experience. No wait, that's not right. I mean benefit from the ten days she spent with her tush on a hard floor without moving yours off a soft couch.

Why sit on your white or black ass doing Buddhist meditation till you cramp, when you can have Raji Lukkoor sit on her fine brown authentically-Indian ass then write a book about her meditation retreat for you to experience vicariously? Inner Pilgrimage is the cramp-free intro to meditation we've all been waiting for.

As a sensitive chic-lit author, Raji probably won't approve of my tail first / head last review of her book. (Buddhism promotes a different kind of mindlessness than the idiocy we practice here.) Still, she actually started the discussion of her backside. As she systematically guides you in the book through a silent introspective meditation journey, she just happens to mention that the pillow she selected to support her posterior was very small. Nice subtle hint.

If mama bears can obsess about their backsides being the slightest bit too large or too small, we papa bears have the right to obsess about them being - how shall we say - just right! (Probably, the only way to get me at a ten-day vegetarian silence-fest is having a yoga babe promise to let me be that pillow. In a spirit of nonviolence, I take a sacred vow not to bite ... very often.) Buddhist meditation teaches us to scan up and down the parts of the body, so dwelling mentally on Raji's southern curves is probably an unspiritual form of attachment. Being the spiritual guy I am, I will now move on. I not only meditate daily on my own breath going in and out but also on the chest heaving respiration of female coworkers. How totally spiritual am I?

Thanks to Amazon, readers need not get off their rear ends or interupt the modern practice of mindlessness (television viewing) to order her book Inner Pilgrimage: Ten Days to a Mindful Me. Enlightenment and/or God can now be delivered to your home like a pizza. It's about time. Americans cannot be expected to climb a mountain or make significant life changes in the pursuit of spirituality like poor people with nothing else to do. God bless and totally accomodate America! Can I get an "Amen" out there?

In all seriousness, Raji has written an easily-readible and urbanite-accessible experiential guide to meditation. I recommend it for getting your feet wet then diving into more profound spiritual literature like the Bhagavadgita, the Bible, the Koran or my books. (Hey, profoundly ridiculous is still profound, so Lyn's books belong on the list.) I must now go meditate on my mantra: Oooommmy gosh these girls are hot! Oooommmy gosh these girls are hot! Inappropriately-long hugs and blessings.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Pacquiao Loses Match / Mayweather Loses Honor

The rules of boxing allow a fighter to avoid engagement with his opponent by clinging or running, but returning some fire simply looks better. Last Saturday, Floyd Mayweather's fight or flight instinct appeared to have completely evolved into a hug or flight instinct. Manny Pacquiao dominated this contest in the eyes of most boxing-uninformed but manliness-conscious viewers by engaging his opponent relentlessly and confidently. Despite Barney the Dinosaur levels of cheeriness, a Filipino clearly came to fight, while an American came to cash a check and protect a title.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Primate Professor Returns to the Jungle

After a year of wilderness homesteading on my Mexican desert ranch and a month of wild pollenating on my Mexican desert flower, I have planted my white gringo ass on the jungle beaches of Huatulco, Oaxaca. Another chapter in my life. The rainforest-encircled Universidad del Mar has invited this primitive American ape to thump his chest and swing on a tire in a professor's office. I must now write more books too.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

50 Shades of Gringo Sexual Dysfunction

My dangerously sexy Mexican woman and I performed our Valentine's Day duty by attempting to sit thru the "romantic movie" deemed "must see" by the global culture arbitrators of New York. What a joke! About half way thru the S & M feel good hit of the season 50 Shades of Grey, we looked at each other and laughingly exclaimed, "Pobre gringos!" Our pity for white folks stemmed from the naked fact that the allegedly hot sex in this chic flic is about as smoldering as the sex she and I have when she's sick and I'm tired.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Bad-ass Moses and his Kick-ass God

Just saw the Ridley Scott and Christian Bale Moses epic that will be spreading around the globe this week. Worth seeing for thrills and for ideas. While Hollywood has distaste for Mel Gibson's ethnic bitterness, they still dig his crowd-pleasing formulas. This film often recalls the Celtic swordplay of Braveheart, the slavery shock of Apocalypto, and the grim mysticism of Passion of the Christ. Melodramatic but way more fun than church - even if they were to allow popcorn and partial nudity at church. (Yes, I've suggested it, but nooooo!)

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Publisher Scores Babe and Scorns Blog

Recently an intelligent, spiritual and smokin' hot girl offered me her heart and various other fascinating parts of her anatomy. Like Moses, I took off my shoes because I stood nearly trembling on holy ground. Unlike Moses, I removed other articles of clothing before smiting the "Red Sea" with my staff.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Pedophilia, Public Education, and Other Crimes

While Saint Louis police, Ferguson residents, and media hacks were more interested in promoting their agendas than getting at the truth, author Rick Skwiot was polishing a crime novel that accurately portrays the harsh realities of governmental and educational corruption in Saint Louis slums. I just finished my review copy of Fail. This is the thinking man's Grisham, which is to say: it's the book John Grisham would write if he were more interested in fine literature than raking in money and empathizing with pedophiles.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Muslim Gone Bad Attacks Canada's Capital

Since representatives of the bad apple wing of Islamic faith (those who think others shouldn't be allowed to choose their own spirituality or speak their own convictions without threat of death) have attacked Canada's capital today, I am here reposting one of our most popular and profound articles. Just as the world had to deal with Hitler's diabolical twist on Christianity, Islam has a cancerous growth within it that cannot be ignored. The best response would be for global Muslims to repudiate and annihilate these deadly spreading diseased cells. If they can't or won't, others will have to step up. I encourage my Muslim friends to be the most devout about ridding the world of demented versions of Islam. It's better when you do as much as possible to clean up your own house. However, one way or another, these losers who refuse to respect the rights of others are gonna have to be taken out. Here's a repost of "Lyn Fuchs Named Terrorist Suspect."

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Smooth Getaway Postcard From Shenandoah Valley

Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley is not merely noted for lovely scenery, though its position between the Blue Ridge and the Allegheny Mountains certainly provides beautiful landscapes. The area also played an important role in the history of the United States, from its time as a British colony through its tragic Civil War and beyond.