Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Homo Killers Rock and Homemakers Suck

A big greedy insurance company very recently conspired to find out what career makes people the happiest, so they could provide more insurance to long-living happy folks rather than short-lived sad folks. (Money-grubbing and number-crunching bastards!) Because of the intensely-evil capitalist motivations behind this research study, they failed to approach their subject with the proper PC bias of a sophisticated peer-reviewed/censured university professor. (Trigger alert: rude myth-busting reality coming up next.)

With the callous disregard for achieving specific results once called objectivity, they completed their cold research then irresponsibly blurted out the unfiltered horrifying result to the media: housewives are the happiest. (Smug, smarmy, apron-donning cunts!) Despite working more hours than other professionals, despite receiving less money than other workers, despite being brutally harassed by feminists as underacheiving gender-betraying domesticated tools of the patriarchy, these stay-at-home rebels have the gall to be happier than they should be and happier than most important PC-approved cubicle jockeys ever will be. (To the gallows with the old school bitches!)

Before the executions begin, I must confess my own complicity in this traditional perversion. As a breadwinning male, I have often found secret pleasure in buying shit for my financially-dependent woman. I have sometimes relished coming home to a healthy meal that was lovingly prepared while I was doing uber-important paper-shuffling professorial stuff. (Yes, I've been a homemaker enabler.) I've recklessly valued her contributions to our team and even made comments that made her feel as if her work was equal to mine.

When my beautiful Latina has crazily suggested that my muscles and her breasts could suggest God/Nature has equipped us for differing contributions to the tribe, I have failed to insist that we gringos with our gender-equality-requires-gender-uniformity dogma are much wiser than the 99% of human history that came before us and any cultures that currently differ with us. American political correctness is the fashion and the future. We're smarter than brown folks, nature, and God, who are all just oppressive traditionalist haters. I will somehow help the simple sentimental little woman to see the light - the cold hard light that makes gringos so smart, trendy, and miserable.

Followers of Jesus who say that the traditional family is a worthy model and even claim that folks with a homosexual orientation can find fullfillment without indulging such desires are grotesque oppressive haters who should be fired or imprisoned. Bitter aborted-baby-part-hawking feminists dragging homemakers out of their woman-cave kitchens by their hair and Muslims cheering on slaughters in gay bars are valuable liberal voting constituencies. They should be given every benefit of the doubt or sensitive spin that the media can offer. I apologize to everyone I have offended with my politically-incorrect folly. I have wasted too much time watching nature and reading scripture. Screw that outdated biblical verse "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are God's ways higher than your ways and God's thoughts higher than your thoughts." I promise to pick up a copy of Cosmo Mag and get my thinking straight. Forgive me, PC thought police, for I have sinned.


  1. As always, Lyn, you word things as only you can!

  2. Thank you, William. My prayer is that religious fundamentalists and gay activists would respect the right of the other group to think and act in ways they deem wrong and cease bullying each other, plus that all people would hold this truth to be self evident: humans are created with equal value, but those who prepare food and/or care for children do the most essential work and deserve the greatest honor. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.