Sunday, November 23, 2014

Publisher Scores Babe and Scorns Blog

Recently an intelligent, spiritual and smokin' hot girl offered me her heart and various other fascinating parts of her anatomy. Like Moses, I took off my shoes because I stood nearly trembling on holy ground. Unlike Moses, I removed other articles of clothing before smiting the "Red Sea" with my staff.

I saw. I conquered. I came. I have fallen down in crazy, stupid love and can't get up. I have promised to dedicate my next book to this angel, but can't remember my own name to put on the cover. Out of devotion to my global readers (all six of you), I have tried to picture a scenario where I have significant blocks of time I would prefer to spend blogging on this site than shagging on this babe. I'm just not getting a visual, people.

In the future, my posts will be few and far between, while the moans of this adorable Latina will be otherwise. Instead of merely wasting my days as a university professor, I intend to spend my nights truly contributing to the well being of young people. Okay, one young person with a body like a brick house. Must I be so specific? Many other charities are somewhat nebulous about their compassionate deeds, aren't they?

She and I will likely head out for Patagonia by motorcycle. Why so? Because I'm hoping a hot vibrating machine between the legs will distract my sweet nympho from messing around with my steering, and continuing on beyond Patagonia means plunging into the wet and salty sea, which I plan to do in much warmer spots. I think you know what I'm saying here.

Readers who have not yet finished my books should not be concerned about the dirth of new blog material. I have always felt a moral obligation to save my best material for the paying customers. So, you should pick up a copy of Sacred Ground & Holy Water or Fresh Wind & Strange Fire to allow my nonstop fertility fest across the Americas to bless your life as well. Namaste!

Would I really trade all my wonderful readers and the cutting-edge technology of the internet for the old school analog technology of a real live girl? Damn straight. Frankly, I already have. I'm only typing this farewell note so the poor exhausted hottie can catch a nap. I hope this site has done some good things. Now, my new love and I are gonna do some very, very bad things. Oh yeah!

While I'll no longer focus on doing the Lord's work here, I pray God will give me the strength to sow the good seed for many years in missionary fashion and/or doggy style. I must whole-heartedly thank my Creator for allowing an unspiritual dysfunctional guy like me to discover how to live life with a gusto most geeks will never know. Travel is better than chocolate. I close with a phrase often used by desperate men jumping off bridges but equally appropriate to those jumping on goddesses. Goodbye cruel world! - hello mamacita!