Friday, August 22, 2014

Tasteless Ethnic and Gender Humor

During this photo, I was hoping Victoria was grabbing my butt not Harold.
The mind is the most attractive part of an elegant woman, but damn sure not the only part. It is ironic that the internet can reduce one's attention span to where a book by a great mind becomes unreadable and also rivet the attention to where music, candles and massaging an extraordinary woman seems old school. I must admit that I find the minds of great authors and the smiles of great women more captivating than online blogs or video games. This may make me a Luddite. I only know that I like nature and people more than gadgets and gizmos, and I'm generally a happy guy.

At the recent Garrison & Garrison bookstore party, I only bought one cool book, but I got to hang out with the five cool people shown in the above photograph. Standing next to me is travel writer Mittie Roger who will soon be embarking for Patagonia with her personal paparazzi Sean Reagan in a jeep. Next to her is salsa dancer Victoria Tolonen who has shaken her money-maker and had wild bisexual adventures around the globe. (Ladies: girl on girl action puts a good man out of work and is thus bad for the economy. Nor should you impregnate yourselves with turkey basters. Leave that to the professionals. We have the technology and we're here to serve.)

The token black out front is just a puppet and spokesman for the man.
Next to her is a large black man, but Harold James is a poet not a thug, so don't be frightened. If you're a Saint Louis policeman, don't shoot, even though Harold was recently seen loitering around the area where I was doing some criminally-bad dancing. (My friend and fellow drunk Rick Skwiot just finished a crime novel about the Saint Louis police called Fail, which I will be reviewing here soon.) Finally, we have the helpful staff of Garrison & Garrison bookstore with Michelle Garrison looking hot as usual and offering two reasons that men should drop by the store and pretend to be interested in books.

So, literary events are about people not ink and paper. While my sword is far mightier than my pen (don't tell the Saint Louis police that I'm actually black from the waist down), the lovely ladies here inspire both. A big thanks to my literary buds in San Miguel for giving me a reason to keep writing spectacular books that make me almost enough money to eat at a restaurant in San Miguel. Another day, another peso.

Are Japanese people born with cameras or is this a learned behavior?
Disclaimer: Sacred Ground Magazine strives to be an equal opportunity offender. We sincerely apologize that the jokes in this post are exclusively directed at female and black people. We have made repeated efforts to include our Arab friends in these photo-ops, so we can poke fun at them, but they refuse to come to San Miguel, because they don't drink and can't dirty dance, plus some are offended that we once compared polygamy to a menage a trois, which they consider to be the invention of degenerate Frenchmen who think pork, cigarettes, and hookers are all part of a complete breakfast.

In the future, we commit to include fat people, skinny people, left-handed people, Japanese people without cameras, Indian people who don't drive taxis, Polish people who aren't drunks, Mexicans who arrive early for work with a can-do attitude, and many other kinds of people in our derision. Hopefully, no one is now offended. We beg the sensitivity police not to shoot, as we are armed only with a keyboard, which we will now slowly back away from.

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