Monday, July 21, 2014

Join The San Miguel Bookstore Fiesta

This is a bimbo-friendly bookstore with millions of shorter words.
In a selfless effort to combat illiteracy, I'll be reading from my canonical works at the anniversary celebration of Garrison & Garrison bookstore in San Miguel on August 1st. Thus, supermodels holding a book upside down with a confused but photogenic expression need not panic. I'm here to serve, because that's just the kind of guy I am.

Come on out to position yourselves in an adoring circle around my feet like children at the library, so your perverted uncle Lyn can read you a story. What if the swooning literary masses overcrowd the space? Well, I can seat one supermodel on my left leg, one on my right leg, and two sets of identical-twin cover girls on my middle leg (or as some artistic types call it: my muse). Let me reiterate this is all an attempt on my part to give back to the community.

Guess which store occupant makes Lyn drool and forget his own name.
Now that we've donated some time to Bimbos Without Borders (or any other bookstore), let me explain why even men with chronic reading alergies should attend this event. Have you met store owner Michelle Garrison? Hubba hubba! (I've no idea what that means, but it seems to fit here.)

Still, don't try to impress Michelle by babbling about Proust or Joyce or Archie and Jughead as I did over a beer with the lady. Her razor-sharp wit can reduce an insecure man like me into a pile of ashes, even without knowing of her intimidating experience restraining and handcuffing disrespectful men as a police babe in the past. (Wait, that little infobit isn't so off-putting after all, is it?)

Mexican police don't even have to be bribed to hang around here.
I would suggest making your move with Michelle after she's tipsy from toasting every great author and nearly all numerical categories in the Dewey Decimal System. (Here's to Bibliographic Reference Works!) I'm not saying she's a drunk, but .... My personal strategy is to confuse her with a line like this: "I've politely asked you several times to stop resisting my advances and here in machismo Mexico no means no!"

I'm sure that Michelle like most of us has been ferociously bullied into attending anti-bullying seminars, where one is hypnotized to sleep then programmed to believe that committing suicide or genocide is better than being accused of insensitivity. Hopefully, she'll maintain her reputation for respecting the wishes of others by doing the wild thing with me.

A gift certificate from Lyn for a nonliterary binding and dissemination.
Come on out to Garrison & Garrison bookstore at 5:00 pm to salute fine literature and see whether this comely lass prefers to lower her standards to my level or resort to despicable disregarding of the feelings of others. Let's pray for her, shall we? "May she overlook our verbal trespasses beyond the bounds of good taste, as we have overlooked the shortcomings of her thin cotton dresses in the rain (and I mean looked them over 7 x 70). Forgive us our baleful vertical stares as we forgive those who don't get our differently-enabled sense of humor.

All my mentally-disturbed bullshit aside, I sincerely hope our many friends in San Miguel, plus those of our enemies who don't carry weapons, will show up to celebrate the survival and success of an independant bookstore in Mexico that doesn't specialize in comic books, telenovela digests, or porno mags. Viva zapatas (with sexy ankle straps) y viva la literatura!

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