White Men Can Dance With Stacey Dash

Brown sugar Stacey Dash rejects the slightly-brown government-sugar-daddy Obama for the other white meat Romney. She just announced on CNN that she endorses Quaker Mitt because she is following Martin Luther King's advice to judge these candidates by the content of their character not the color of their skin.

Who knew there were still Americans who don't give a damn about image or ethnicity? I thought I was the only one running around on the deck of the American Titanic more concerned with a sinking economic and diplomatic future than the absence of free condoms, dance classes, and shuffleboard tournaments offered on the promenade deck.

Over the last two weeks, Romney and Ryan have debated their opponents. They presented generalized boardroom proposals for economic and diplomatic reforms that may or may not work. If they don't work, America is in big trouble. His majesty Obama spent the debate exuding smugness, boredom, and annoyance at his dim-witted subjects, while Biden offered smirks, eye rolls, and over 80 interruptions. Together they proved brilliantly that (without teleprompters or media prompters) they can't come up with a new idea to save their lives. Sure, they can promise to stimulate my package again. However, my package is already overstimulated, the thrill is gone, and the American economy still has the blues.

The Bush and Obama era has been a budgetary-overspending and military-overextending disaster. Without an immediate intervention, America's finances will soon be so far under water that even the most drastic remedies won't make the minimum payments due. Nevertheless, many readers share my difficulty in embracing Romney. There's something about him that suggests toilet paper streaming out of the back of his pants, a plastic pencil holder in his pocket, and a finger up his nose. In addition, few women like to hear a man say, "The credit card is maxxed, so we can't eat out or go shopping for a while."

Yet, this is the message Romney/Ryan offers, in sharp contrast to "Yes, we can! In fact, I can stop the oceans from rising and take you on a breathless trip to the stars!" Still, many women muster the character to love a man who is good to their children, even if he doesn't inflame their loins like the tall, dark and handsome rogue who once ravaged them in a Spanish castle. So, kudos to Stacey Dash for putting the security of future generations ahead of emotional impressions and group think.

Likewise, many men don't feel a natural bond with a well-manicured salesman like Romney. He is the domesticated species we few remaining hetero erectus maximus are desperate not to evolve into. Some men also fear that Venezuela will be all alone in reelecting a pompous, incompetent, long-winded socialist or that big bird will not be able to fly free as nature intended after Romney rudely kicks him out of the public-subsidy nest. However, there are many support groups available for such teary little boys.

Real men should take a hard look at Stacey Dash and compare to Barack Obama. Ask not what your country can do for you (they're fucking broke), ask who you'd rather have do you for the next four years. I'm with Stacey. That lush brown terrain between her hair and toes is some American soil I'd willingly die for.

I wish Stacey would hold my hand while I hold my nose and vote for Romney.