Monday, July 25, 2011

You're Invited To A Literary Orgy

It's an extreme pleasure to be part of this literary menage a trois with Mittie and Lara. I wanna thank both of them for satisfying my needs on a weekly basis and for giving a weary man respite to get his next post up.

Still, if you despise modern perversions as I do, you have the power to transform a sordid threesome into a good old-fashioned Greco-Roman orgy. Simply follow our submission guidlines. (Leatherbound Lara's submission guidelines may be somewhat different.) It's time we writers cluster together, thrust our quills into the nearest inkwells, and let the artistic juices flow - so to speak.

Sacred Ground & Holy Water wants your submission. Lara flat demands it. Bohemian Mittie thinks you should listen to your inner muse. I think you should stop talking to yourself like a sissy and send us a travel tale, if you're man enough, woman enough, or eunuch enough.

That's about as long as I can keep my larger-than-life shtick up. So, I'm gonna go beat on my chest, while you hopefully compose a story. The best entry will receive either a copy of my book, a pinch of Mittie's stash, or a spanking from Lara, which may include a bonus beating from her husband.

I write all this sitting in the Balvanera Country Club outside Queretaro, Mexico. Despite a few drinks, I'm still on two legs and trying to act civilized. A view of undulating hills covered with green cactus and red ponies stretches before me. The scent of my whisky-laced coffee plus the sound of relaxing mariachi wafts from the bar behind me. At the same time, my cyber self dwells with these two lovely, intelligent ladies. Yeah, travel writing's a tough gig, but somebody's gotta do it. Since misery loves company, we hope you'll join us.

4 comments:

  1. Mittie just wants to make totally clear that the picture of the chick hitting the bong is not her, despite the facial similarity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A beating from my husband? A nice Jewish boy with two master's degrees in Physics from Columbia University? That should be interesting.

    And, yeah, that used to be my butt -- before the two babies.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did a double take on that bong girl photo, I totally thought it was Mittie!

    Hope you are having a good time on the ranch and will be happy to hear about your trip to Oaxaca soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Alas, the photo isn't Mittie. Plus there's more to clarify: though a man should write loudly and carry a big stick, that's actually not my weapon of mass satisfaction in the caveman shot. It's an exact scale-model replica.

    We'll hold off on discussing the graceful evolution of Lara's butt, in the hope she might someday do a whole column or even a documentary film on the subject. That would be about the only thing that could possibly get me to Cannes.

    So, why do we sweat such goofy details here? Because Sacred Ground & Holy Water is the antithesis of most media. We take journalism seriously not ourselves.

    ReplyDelete