Wandering Mystic Meditation From Sri Lanka

Sometimes, we reach out to help our loved ones when they are not yet ready or even much interested in being ‘saved’ by us.  Based on our own experiences, we assume that we know what is best for them, thus we persist in trying to aid them with their challenges. Are we genuinely intending what is best for them or are we insidiously controlling them using the labels of love, responsibility and caring to camouflage the reality? What about their innate freedom to decide what, when, who, why and where? If we honestly empathize with them, we understand that we would not like to be controlled or over-protected in the name of love, responsibility and caring either. Often, the most adventurous walk we can take is the one in another’s shoes to know their perspective.

One way to help and support those we care about (be it our relatives, partners, or friends) is to truly let go of trying to control them with our insights into how they should live. Indeed, we can offer our opinions and suggestions with respect and kindness, but our sphere of influence ends there. Attempts at over-convincing others are often unhealthy and wound relationships. Beyond the point of expressing our views, it is left up to the recipient whether or not they wish to follow our advice. If we care enough about someone to want to support them when they need us, then shouldn’t we also value them enough to respect their boundaries? Shouldn't we give them the time and space to breathe, consider, contemplate, accept, forgive, grow and evolve naturally? Is it not their right?

Inter-dependence is significantly more fruitful than independence or dependence. Consider our physical bodies as an example. When all our organ systems are healthy, they function as a synchronized team, enabling the whole person to thrive and prosper. The same principle is seen in nature as well, where systems like the seasons, the water cycle and the migrations of various species all work in inter-dependent harmony to ensure an inter-connected balance. Likewise, at a social and community level, when we grasp and practice inter-dependence, we open myriad pathways to synergy, which according to the Oxford dictionary is “the cooperation of two or more things to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.”

Our power resides not in controlling one another, but rather in allowing each other to grow through our innate individual freedom. “Live and let live” can only be practiced on a daily basis when we respect each other. To show that respect, we must let go of the unhealthy attempts at controlling one another. Nobody owns anyone. The truth is that each of us are here with equal rights both to make our choices and to live with the consequences of our choices.

May we live and let live, love and let love, breathe and let breathe.

Dr. Dheena Sadik grew up in Sri Lanka then went to medical school in Pakistan. Both as a physician and a writer, she strives to help people live better lives. Her work appears regularly in Sri Lanka's Sunday Observer newspaper and her fan page is https://www.facebook.com/Dr.DheenaSadik.