Monday, May 8, 2017

Eastern and Western Genital Mutilators

Deep within a cave on a remote mountain sits a bushy-bearded Asian jihadist who shares the outlook of a bushy-underarmed American feminist ensconced within the safe space of a modern university. Both are proud genital mutilation advocates. Seeming a world apart, they nevertheless carry the same sacred fire from down below, with the road to hell paved by their culturally-approved "good" intentions. Let me explain why all moral folks must reject such patriarchs and matriarchs. This is not for the squeamish.

The Eastern cave-dweller holds that Nature screwed up in giving girls a clitoris. He knows better than our incompetant Creator. This erotic zone can cause a woman to enjoy sex for pleasure, not merely to give love to her husband or life to her children. This could tempt her to become a slut. So, that opium-smoking sage of the mount persuades his wife or daughter that snipping off a clitorus will correct the mistakes in a flawed world, giving us virtuous wives rather than godless whores. Cave-man is quite smug in his blasphemous world-view. He supports stoning neighbors who disagree.

Meanwhile, the Western campus-dweller holds that Nature screwed up in giving boys a penis. She knows better than our incompetant Creator. This testosterone zone can tempt a man to go beyond hunting for a good woman into bagging and mounting naive Bambis and Barbies like trophies. This could cause him to become a predator. So, the herb-smoking sage of the gender studies faculty encourages her son to wear dresses and don mascara to combat the injustice of a binary world. Cubical-woman is so smug in her blasphemous world-view. She even supports firing any professors who disagree.

Insisting that gender is a creation of nurture not nature and mind not body, this high priestess works hard to exorcise any demons of toxic masculinity from her son. When the wee lad finally submits to the unholy inquisition then confesses he might wish to be a girl like mom, he is rushed to some low-testosterone shrink for reprogramming then a low-scruples surgeon for reassigning. Creator, Nature, little girls and little boys be damned. East or West, we humans know best.

(Bill Nye the science guy made a recent video insisting that binary boy-on-girl action is boring vanilla ice cream, but gender benders offer a flavorful variety. As a global traveler, I can attest that hetero action comes in creamy vanilla, dark chocolate, rich mocha and spicy chai options. If you're finding it boring, you're not doing it right. Last time I checked, pervert sherbert, neutered custard, confusion infusion, and hell-if-I-know gelato were still not popular, even in avant-garde New York. I encourage Bill Nye to go try the creative alternative of fucking himself.)

Let's rap up this most unpleasant discussion about genital mutilation. While most of us won't hold the knife for our fellow tribesmen, we do hold our tongues, so we can hold onto our jobs. Asians and Africans who won't oppose female "circumcision" plus Americans and Europeans who won't oppose male "reassignment" point their fingers at the perversion and oppression of another culture, while washing the blood of their neighbor's children from their hands. Let's stop pretending that we're so courageous in our rejection of last century's sexism. If you believe the world created with boys and girls was a stroke of genius not some misstroke, if you think the Creator is smarter than the creatures, stand up for the human rights of the most innocent creatures of all. In Nature's divine plan, boys and girls are created equal and sacred. If we won't stand for children, we don't stand for anything.

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