Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Meditate On Author Raji Lukkoor's Butt

That's right people: you can meditate on Raji Lukkoor's butt. I don't mean focus your inner eye above her inner thigh. I mean borrow her butt for a climactic metaphysical experience. No wait, that's not right. I mean benefit from the ten days she spent with her tush on a hard floor without moving yours off a soft couch.

Why sit on your white or black ass doing Buddhist meditation till you cramp, when you can have Raji Lukkoor sit on her fine brown authentically-Indian ass then write a book about her meditation retreat for you to experience vicariously? Inner Pilgrimage is the cramp-free intro to meditation we've all been waiting for.

As a sensitive chic-lit author, Raji probably won't approve of my tail first / head last review of her book. (Buddhism promotes a different kind of mindlessness than the idiocy we practice here.) Still, she actually started the discussion of her backside. As she systematically guides you in the book through a silent introspective meditation journey, she just happens to mention that the pillow she selected to support her posterior was very small. Nice subtle hint.

If mama bears can obsess about their backsides being the slightest bit too large or too small, we papa bears have the right to obsess about them being - how shall we say - just right! (Probably, the only way to get me at a ten-day vegetarian silence-fest is having a yoga babe promise to let me be that pillow. In a spirit of nonviolence, I take a sacred vow not to bite ... very often.) Buddhist meditation teaches us to scan up and down the parts of the body, so dwelling mentally on Raji's southern curves is probably an unspiritual form of attachment. Being the spiritual guy I am, I will now move on. I not only meditate daily on my own breath going in and out but also on the chest heaving respiration of female coworkers. How totally spiritual am I?

Thanks to Amazon, readers need not get off their rear ends or interupt the modern practice of mindlessness (television viewing) to order her book Inner Pilgrimage: Ten Days to a Mindful Me. Enlightenment and/or God can now be delivered to your home like a pizza. It's about time. Americans cannot be expected to climb a mountain or make significant life changes in the pursuit of spirituality like poor people with nothing else to do. God bless and totally accomodate America! Can I get an "Amen" out there?

In all seriousness, Raji has written an easily-readible and urbanite-accessible experiential guide to meditation. I recommend it for getting your feet wet then diving into more profound spiritual literature like the Bhagavadgita, the Bible, the Koran or my books. (Hey, profoundly ridiculous is still profound, so Lyn's books belong on the list.) I must now go meditate on my mantra: Oooommmy gosh these girls are hot! Oooommmy gosh these girls are hot! Inappropriately-long hugs and blessings.

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