Mexico Mike Nelson Overlooks My Infidelity

When I first drove across the border from Anglo-America to Latino-America, three items comforted me like adult teddy bears: my passport, the gun in a metal box under my seat (Yes, weapons can get you arrested, but on those rare occasions when smoozing and negotiating accomplish nothing, I prefer to be judged by one than carried by six. If you have no clue of what I mean, God bless you my child.), and "Mexico" Mike Nelson's bestseller Live Better South of the Border.

The Wall Street Journal and New York Times have both raved about his classic book on Mexico. Yet, most readers get the feeling that Mike is their personal friend and road companion, which is no doubt a big part of this work's success, along with Mike's saavy familiarity with most regions of the country. He has helped more people cross the border than makers of fake Green Cards.

Of course, when I found the superior companionship of Mexican girls, Mike was no longer an essential part of my life. (Sorry dude, but I know you get that.) So, many years after I dumped Mike for less-literary, more-curvaceous travel buddies, I was seriously appreciative when he forgave my infidelity and reviewed my new book. Here's what my former same-sex partner had to say:

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is earthy, raw and vibrant. It has the B. Traven authenticity with a Hunter S. Thompson fire. The stories are graphic and well-written. They show you a side of Mexican society that most foreigners and many Mexicans will never know - sometimes seamy, sometimes just alive and real. The author spins his tales with well-written prose and vivid description. Individual cities and towns are highlighted, but more as a backdrop for the human stories. I know nearly all the places the author mentions (except for the dark sides, which I do not know) and he does a good job summing up the atmosphere of the towns. This book is not for those with sensitive imaginations. Some may even find it disturbing. But if you can read graphic modern detective novels and watch modern crime shows, you should enjoy it."

I'm deeply grateful for Mike's review. Still, I'm older than dirt and Mike is older than me. So, in view of his imminent performance review with cosmic management, Mike wanted me to make clear that he doesn't endorse the illegal, immoral and fattening parts of this book - the dark side.

Fair enough. However, Mike can be held partly responsible for the good stuff. I give thanks that many years ago he gave me the courage to step outside the box of my own culture. For my subsequent degeneration to the level of a savage beast, I and those minor dieties called Mexican women are soley to blame. Once you try cocaine or brown sugar, there's no going back.

Mike, if you cross the final frontier before I do, please remind the Boss on my behalf that I'm as filled with gratitude as I am lacking in most other virtues. I'm also full of something else, but that need not come up in your exit interview. I believe heaven is a place where the enchiladas don't make you fat and the hot girls don't make you get up and go to work, but that's just deep metaphysical speculation. All we know for sure is that God is good and (despite silly fears based on ignorance) one can live even better on the other side of the border. Let us all journey well.