Sacred Ground Travel Magazine: May Not Be Suitable For Grannies

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

May Not Be Suitable For Grannies

Finally, my new book got a bad review. It’s about time! I don’t know about you, but I was getting a little tired of famous authors droning on and on about how brilliant and revolutionary Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is. Just in the nick of time, [see note] an elderly Welsh lady awarded it only two stars on Goodreads. She said that my “schoolboy sexual innuendo” isn’t her “cup of tea.”

Actually, my work isn’t really anyone’s cup of tea. It’s more like frothy hot chocolate licked from bisexual Amber Heard’s navel by a horde of lusty Vikings. I've tried to compose some boring pretentious shit, as any serious literary author should, but I just couldn’t get into it. So, I lazily backslid into scribbling funny, sexy, brutally-honest stuff again.

Regrettably, Mennonites and Faukland Island quilting circles may find this book deeply disappointing. Please accept my most-nearly-sincere apology. As the politicos say, I’m truly sorry if the things I’m accused of doing (but do not admit to doing) have offended anyone or caused someone to have a feeling that could quite easily and understandably be mistaken for offense.

Therefore, let me clarify and summarize. If you’re reading this post surrounded by lace doilies and fundamentalist religious tracts or listening to a grandfather clock and the Everly Brothers, don’t buy my book. You won’t like it. Everyone else: stop the surfing and start ordering! Love all you grannies out there and I promise to someday write a potpourri-scented coffee-table-book just for you.

Note to teen readers: "Just in the nick of time" is an old granny expression which is completely unrelated to that grotesque mutant lovechild of Vanilla Ice and Michael Jackson known as Justin Bieber. The only Lyn/Bieber connection I'm aware of is his reputed statement that fans who really love him should borrow their parents' credit cards and buy as many copies of my book as possible.

1 comment:

William KendallAugust 28, 2013 at 1:44 PM
You know, I would have never thought of him as the love child of Vanilla and Mikey J... but now, yeah, I see it!
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"Five Stars! Sacred Ground & Holy Water shouldn't be missed." James Cox, Midwest Book Review

"Gonzo razzle-dazzle verbal fireworks!" Robert Martin, Editor of The Dalhousie Review

"Pacey, witty insightful stuff. Travel writing as it should be!" Jack Barker, Editor of Travelmag

"Grips you, holds you, and leaves you with something profound!" Chris Ord, Editor of Travel Rag

"If you should read just one book of travel essays in your life, this is the one." Barbara Conelli, Author of Chique Secrets of Dolce Vita and Chique Secrets of Dolce Amore

"An ideal traveling companion who brings lingual acuity, historical perspective, and razor-sharp irony along for the ride." Tom Dooley, Editor of Eclectica Literary Journal

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is smart, divertido, and so cleansing that I think I can defer a trip to Catemaco for a limpieza!" Tony Cohan, Author of On Mexican Time and Mexican Days

"Funny, literary, and hard-hitting. Professor Fuchs combines the humor of Twain, the alpha adventure of Hemingway, and the romantic sensitivity of Steinbeck. Just wish I was the one publishing it." John Kemmerly, Editor of Bluefoot Publishing

"I'm about half way through Fresh Wind & Strange Fire. A great read so far! Especially like the witty play on words. Good stuff!" Roz Savage, National Geographic Adventurer of the Year and first woman to solo row the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans.

"No one since Hunter S. Thompson has loved the wild and woolly world with as much intensity, insight, passion and gusto as Lyn Fuchs in his new collection of travel writing Sacred Ground & Holy Water. From Africa, Central America, India, the Pacific Northwest, and back again, Lyn´s rambunctious dispatches from the far corners of our strange globe arrive with the full force of whitewater plunging from mountains, lava burning the very soles from our hiking boots. So delicious are the bountiful meals he eats, so beautiful the foreign lasses he dallies with, nothing is left for the reader but a searing jealousy, an aching desire to be out there ourselves. Thompson, rest his soul, would be proud." Tony D´Souza, Author of Whiteman, The Konkans, and Mule

"An extraordinary travelogue. Lyn Fuchs seems to be up for anything and is an exhausting companion. I feel as if I have been bumped round the world in a week, waking only for the occasional surreal encounter, before bouncing on in a cloud of wacky ideas." John Gimlette, Author of At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig: Travels in Paraguay, Theatre of Fish: Travels in Newfoundland and Labrador, and Panther Soup: A European Journey in War and Peace

"Alternating between profundity and lunacy, Lyn Fuchs delivers a highly readable romp in his own search for the meaning of the universe." Sean O'Reilly, President and Founder of Auriga Distribution Group, Redbrazil.com, Riverinthesky, & Travelers' Tales

"I found Sacred Ground & Holy Water quite a tonic - a mixture of enjoyment and irreverence. Many teachers say that enlightenment doesn't come to those who deliberately set out to find it. If you are open, it finds you. One of the main feelings I got from this book is that Lyn Fuchs is an open traveler." Ben Box, Author of Footprint Travel Guides

"Five Stars! Fuchs is a deft raconteur, and he shows he can paint a compelling romantic description: 'While the northern turning leaves mark the passing of years and urge productivity, the southern rolling waves hint of changeless eons and instill contentment.' Give credit to Fuchs for getting his point across. As he writes, 'Like it or not, all cultures are forever changing and forever changed.' Globalization is impacting Mayan culture in Guatemala, for example. Traditional local celebrations are turning tacky and curious. Yet, Fuchs offers valuable insights into people and how culture is changing for good and bad. Lovers of travel should heed his advice to visit once-classic cultures before they disappear forever." Gary Klinga, Reviewer at ForeWord Reviews

"Instead of your typical guidebook tour, Lyn Fuchs looks up (always the best view). He says what he's thinking in his mind and reflects not just on what he's seeing but the big picture: how religion is presented, how people act/react, what people are wearing. It's fascinating - sort of a social anthropologist, but only the interesting stuff. I loved this book." Andy Hayes, Editor of Sharing Travel Experiences

"I loved how raw and honest this book is. I picked this up to read for awhile on a Saturday night before tossing a movie in the DVD player. Needless to say, I never made the movie. I read this whole book, start to finish, right then." Mystee Blackwood, Reviewer at GoodReads Reviews

"A uniquely witty and perceptive take on Mexico - Fresh Wind & Strange Fire again shows Lyn Fuchs to be not just a mere travel writer, but also a practical philosopher a la Montaigne, with a dash of Henry Miller's American humor and sexuality." Rick Skwiot, Author of Sleeping With Poncho Villa, Death In Mexico, and San Miguel De Allende, Mexico: Memoir of a Sensual Quest For Spiritual Healing

"This book is a gem and I highly recommend it. The writing is top-notch with just enough snark to make his anecdotes fun. I had a hard time putting this book away." Barry Huddleston, Reviewer at Gnostalgia Book Reviews

"Lyn Fuchs succeeds in his mission to get men attracted to reading spiritual literature. That too admirably! Spicy writing with a strong male perspective with more than an ample dash of wit and humour make Sacred Ground & Holy Water a very enjoyable read." Shweta Ganesh Kumar, CNN Correspondent and Travel Journalist

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is just as the title suggests: fresh, original and passionate. Fuchs grips the reader, from beginning to end, with his historical detail, humor and socio-political anecdotes. This is a must read for anyone who lives in or aspires to travel extensively thoughout Mexico." Deanna Proach, News Blaze

"The writing in Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is almost poetic and the history, philosophy and comedy reek of the human spirit in Mexico. I feel privileged to have read this work as it fulfilled everything I want out of a book. Comedy, suspense and self-reflection. This work demonstrates all of these, and the exemplary writing grasps the 'show, don't tell' philosophy that many writers fail to practice." Jairus Reddy, Publisher at Hobbes End Publishing

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is earthy, raw and vibrant. It has the B. Traven authenticity with a Hunter S. Thompson fire. The stories are graphic and well-written. They show you a side of Mexican society that most foreigners and many Mexicans will never know - sometimes seamy, sometimes just alive and real. The author spins his tales with well-written prose and vivid description. Individual cities and towns are highlighted, but more as a backdrop for the human stories. I know nearly all the places the author mentions (except for the dark sides, which I do not know) and he does a good job summing up the atmosphere of the towns. This book is not for those with sensitive imaginations. Some may even find it disturbing. But if you can read graphic modern detective novels and watch modern crime shows, you should enjoy it." Mexico Mike Nelson, Author of Live Better South of the Border

"Sacred Ground & Holy Water is a collection of travel stories, significant events and memorable experiences during the extensive travels of the author, Lyn Fuchs. It seems there has never been a dull moment in Fuchs' travels: from encounters with bears in Yosemite, enduring bone rattling bus journeys in Central America, paddling with orcas, taking part in the Day of the Dead in Mexico, experiencing Samurai in Japan, or simply reflecting on a cockroach that shares his morning shower or a beetle he discovers in his navel. Sacred Ground & Holy Water mixes humor and irony into experiences that can only come from spending a significant part of one's life traveling the world. There are over a dozen "Tales of Enlightenment," all told in memorable humorous prose. This is not classic travel nonfiction where you get lost in detailed descriptions of people or place. It reads more like a narrative equivalent of channel surfing - simply skipping to the most memorable parts of someone's personal memoirs." Matt Scott, Reviewer at Matador Travel Network

"Gonzo tourist Fuchs's account of way-off-the-beaten-path Mexico makes Anthony Bourdain appear reserved. His approach style is primitive and organic, with no first-world intercession or assistance. Only three pages in and he's solicited a fake passport, trial-and-errored peyote dosage, and had a tooth extracted with wincing crudeness by a "dentist." While he's more author Hunter S. Thompson than travel guide Rick Steves, and certainly sensational in his gleefully gritty pursuit of the real Mexico, he's not exploitive, cloying, or insincere and more often than not he reveals with acuity and bite a talent for finding the conceit (with prickling quotability). Though not your standard travel guide - no maps, agenda, index, or even photos are in this book - it is nonetheless vivid, and illuminatingly dense with lost histories of an unconsidered culture. Fuchs rambles (sometimes escaping) from Mayan and Mixtec barrios and villages to cities and towns, and opens up to everything from mafiosos and mystics to moles and iguanas. Fuchs offers unpredictable reading, recommended to those who like travel to challenge their perspective." Benjamin Malczewski, Library Journal