Monday, May 27, 2013

Let Britain Find Her Balls!

Not so long ago, the Middle East was an enlightened vanguard of global civilization, preserving classic literature and scientific works that Europeans used for fire kindling or toilet paper. My Celtic ancestors were barely walking upright. Yet, while Brits were none too fond of bathing (and much too fond of sheep), they could muster the sophistication to put on a relatively-clean metal shirt for a crusade on behalf of God and tribe. I believe such crusades are misguided. Spirituality should be promoted with good deeds and persuasion not coercion, though an attractive maiden sitting across the church, mosque, or temple can cause a guy to have a hallelujah moment worthy of an Oprah interview.

Crusaders struck again last week. Two Moors from medieval cesspools of jihadist thought fearlessly and brutally hacked a British soldier to death on a British street by British daylight. Crowds of bystanders watched. While the blood-drenched, blade-waving crusaders waited about twenty minutes for police to show up and be their next target, citizens stood down and failed to engage the enemy. (No wonder CNN's Piers Morgan wets his pants nightly over Americans owning guns when a whole suburb in his country can be conscripted into forced labor with a meat cleaver - if only George Bush had looked for a WMD in Saddam's kitchen.)

Most media disagree. They suggest that a couple British ladies asking some crusaders to explain their rude actions, listening to their doctrinal exegesis and helping them make souvenir videos to email home as holy relics constitute the modern equivalent of Richard the Lionheart. Not so. Ask the ghost of any self-respecting Muslim crusade-kill whether you should give a crusader a piece of your mind or bludgeon out a piece of his. Ask the ghost of Winston Churchill.

Many non-Brits love Britain. We love your Arthurian and Tolkien tales of honor. We love the rights written down in the Magna Carta and sealed with the blood of stubborn British warriors. Today is Memorial Day in America. We do not remember murderers who like to kill or cowards who let children and the elderly do the dying for them. We remember reluctant but unhesitant warriors.

The next time a crusader brandishes a blade then desecrates a body on British soil, we want to believe that British citizens will be more cross-culturally sensitive than in olden days but still be like those who stood alone across the channel from Hitler's amassing armies and extended the middle finger. Let enlightened people reject the notion of crusade and jihad. Let "Muslims" and "Christians" be the light of the world not the blight of the world. And let Britain find her balls. Her friends and enemies need to know she still has them.

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