Friday, March 29, 2013
Easter Is Heterosexual Pride Day
I was standing in San Lorenzo, Mexico, where once stood the first city of the Americas. There Olmecs invented aquaducts and chocolate. Not bad! Still, like most ancient Mesoamerican cultures, they were more amazed by nature's technology of fertility. Their holy carvings revered milk-producing she-breasts and seed-planting man-sticks to such an extent that a Mexican museum once kept them locked in a men-only cigar room.
Likewise, Vatican philosophers argue sex is primarily for procreation, because they must defend stale dogma that pleasure is sinful. Supreme court justices contend sex is primarily for recreation, because they must support current pop dogma that gay sex is just as natural/valuable as boy-on-girl action. This is not surprising. No humans have a greater tendancy to be book smart and street dumb than priests and lawyers.
Back in reality land, if sex aint fun, you aint doin' it right, and the anatomical backdoor is a fun place to visit but a lousy place to procreate - unless you're a bacteria. While the arrogant American and Vatican empires have a few centuries under their belts, people have been celebrating Heterosexual Pride Day everyday from the dawn of time. (Now, don't go calling me a homophobe. While I suspect that 3 or 4 of my girly-man friends could organize and kick my ass, do you really think I'd be afraid of just one pretty boy? Surely you jest.)
Don Henley had an old song where a French painter enlightened an American artist, "Don't you know that women are the only works of art; you're driving with your eyes closed." Whether we learn about life from a French painter or an Olmec sculptor, we all need to ignore the mental masturbations of priests and lawyers, open up our eyes, and see the wondrous world of reality.
Long after the Olmec cult ceased to sculpt, Blue Oyster Cult sang the lyrics of Godzilla: history shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men. (If you want to read more about nature's primal wisdom, check out my new book Fresh Wind & Strange Fire.) Kong and Godzilla movies exploit our deep awareness that the animal forces of the cosmos will never be neatly contained under our technological control. Attempts to abolish or ignore the male/female energy dynamic by interoffice memo or congressional decree are laughable.
On a personal level, relationships with the opposite sex can truly seem as painful and difficult as sex with a jaguar. Nevertheless, quitters never prosper. As Tom Hanks quipped in A League of Their Own, "The hard is what makes it great." Ladies who don't fully grasp why "the hard" makes it great are urged to contact me immediately.