Monday, February 13, 2012

Italian Women Tend To Be Horny

Italian women have a lot of testosterone and this tends to make them horny. It can also produce a hint of a moustache. Still, you can shave an Italian lady in under five minutes, rather than spend an hour getting a Swedish girl in the mood. Plus, when the Swede finally warms-up, she may turn on some ABBA music, then it'll take another hour to turn the guy on again.

Like Ferraris, Italian women have high-performance cold-start-capable engines. (Although the standard warm-up and lube procedures are still recommended.) Just walk your Italian girlfriend past a salami hanging in the market. She'll be on your leg like a Neapolitan Mastiff in the Spring.

Now, I'm not just waxing poetic about Italian chiques for no reason. I wanna talk about my favorite Italian author in all the world: Barbara Conelli - who possesses the refined good taste to never speak to me again after reading this.

When I first saw her photo on the back cover of Chique Secrets of Dolce Vita, I knew she was a high-maintenance luxury edition. Yet, after getting to know her, I sensed that this custom model was packing serious horsepower under the hood. (Barb, if you need a good mechanic who cleans up reasonably well....)

So, I read her chique lit book, which has more pink on the cover than you'll see in a cotton-candy factory. The first thing I noticed was how smooth her prose is. It reminded me of the days when literature was supposed to be enjoyable, rather than impressive and enigmatic. This allows modern readers to save time and energy for regular tune-ups and oil-changes to the aforementioned engines, so we can all stop being cranky and make the world a better place.

By the way, the world actually is a better place in Barbara's writing. She has a travel promoter's knack for finding beauty. Yet, she does it without the fluffiness. She has a journalist's skill for recording detail. However, she does it without the cynicism. As she leads you around Milan in Italy, you find delicate pastries and elegant fashion. Thus, it's a perfect chique book.

Nevertheless, you also learn about Humphrey Bogart's classic hats, Leonardo da Vinci's art, and a famous jazz saxophonist.  I felt like I was the one guy hanging out behind a tour group of smart, beautiful women. Not a bad place to be at all. Had the title been Finding the Good Life In Milan, I wouldn't even have considered it a chique book, just a damn-good travel read.

Disclaimer: Barbara Conelli has not offered to let me "drive her Ferrari" in exchange for this endorsement. If she does, the book review will be vastly enhanced, adorned with five stars, and reposted weekly.

3 comments:

  1. Lyn darling, you're terrific, and it hurts to disappoint you: I prefer BMWs to Ferraris, English Beagles to Neapolitan Mastiffs, my engine runs on endorphins rather than testosterone, and I'm a vegetarian who prefers to kiss women and men who do not have a moustache. The high-maintenance luxury edition is spot-on, although I would add "unpredictable, spoiled, capricious, dangerously smart, and loves bright guys with a perfect haircut who challenge her by being able to keep up with her intellect." If this is a package you can handle, you're welcome to check out the horsepower under my hood and "drive my BMW" at anytime, preferably on a private beach in Italy.

    That being said, let's talk literature. I love the fact that you get me, and I appreciate your praise for my writing. My books are for soul-filled women and a few enlightened guys, and I'm glad you're one of them. Thank you!

    (Btw, your blog definitely deserves more chique female readers. I'm spreading the word as we speak!)

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  2. I'm of Swedish ancestry. My BFF is of Italian. This made me chuckle (in a good way). I had to send this link to her.

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  3. It is interesting to know how other female persons can have different types of encouragement, attitudes, I thought that the Mexicans were warmer but I see that in other countries there other interesting types of women. I welcome your story is interesting and very striking, I will have to travel more often to learn about the different spirits and traditions.

    Professor lyn, Greetings

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