Sacred Ground Travel Magazine: Italian Women Tend To Be Horny

Monday, February 13, 2012

Italian Women Tend To Be Horny

Italian women have a lot of testosterone and this tends to make them horny. It can also produce a hint of a moustache. Still, you can shave an Italian lady in under five minutes, rather than spend an hour getting a Swedish girl in the mood. Plus, when the Swede finally warms-up, she may turn on some ABBA music, then it'll take another hour to turn the guy on again.

Like Ferraris, Italian women have high-performance cold-start-capable engines. (Although the standard warm-up and lube procedures are still recommended.) Just walk your Italian girlfriend past a salami hanging in the market. She'll be on your leg like a Neapolitan Mastiff in the Spring.

Now, I'm not just waxing poetic about Italian chiques for no reason. I wanna talk about my favorite Italian author in all the world: Barbara Conelli - who possesses the refined good taste to never speak to me again after reading this.

When I first saw her photo on the back cover of Chique Secrets of Dolce Vita, I knew she was a high-maintenance luxury edition. Yet, after getting to know her, I sensed that this custom model was packing serious horsepower under the hood. (Barb, if you need a good mechanic who cleans up reasonably well....)

So, I read her chique lit book, which has more pink on the cover than you'll see in a cotton-candy factory. The first thing I noticed was how smooth her prose is. It reminded me of the days when literature was supposed to be enjoyable, rather than impressive and enigmatic. This allows modern readers to save time and energy for regular tune-ups and oil-changes to the aforementioned engines, so we can all stop being cranky and make the world a better place.

By the way, the world actually is a better place in Barbara's writing. She has a travel promoter's knack for finding beauty. Yet, she does it without the fluffiness. She has a journalist's skill for recording detail. However, she does it without the cynicism. As she leads you around Milan in Italy, you find delicate pastries and elegant fashion. Thus, it's a perfect chique book.

Nevertheless, you also learn about Humphrey Bogart's classic hats, Leonardo da Vinci's art, and a famous jazz saxophonist. I felt like I was the one guy hanging out behind a tour group of smart, beautiful women. Not a bad place to be at all. Had the title been Finding the Good Life In Milan, I wouldn't even have considered it a chique book, just a damn-good travel read.

Disclaimer: Barbara Conelli has not offered to let me "drive her Ferrari" in exchange for this endorsement. If she does, the book review will be vastly enhanced, adorned with five stars, and reposted weekly.

4 comments:

Barbara ConelliFebruary 13, 2012 at 10:32 AM
Lyn darling, you're terrific, and it hurts to disappoint you: I prefer BMWs to Ferraris, English Beagles to Neapolitan Mastiffs, my engine runs on endorphins rather than testosterone, and I'm a vegetarian who prefers to kiss women and men who do not have a moustache. The high-maintenance luxury edition is spot-on, although I would add "unpredictable, spoiled, capricious, dangerously smart, and loves bright guys with a perfect haircut who challenge her by being able to keep up with her intellect." If this is a package you can handle, you're welcome to check out the horsepower under my hood and "drive my BMW" at anytime, preferably on a private beach in Italy.

That being said, let's talk literature. I love the fact that you get me, and I appreciate your praise for my writing. My books are for soul-filled women and a few enlightened guys, and I'm glad you're one of them. Thank you!

(Btw, your blog definitely deserves more chique female readers. I'm spreading the word as we speak!)
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Michelle PillowMarch 1, 2012 at 9:41 PM
I'm of Swedish ancestry. My BFF is of Italian. This made me chuckle (in a good way). I had to send this link to her.
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alfredo torresMarch 6, 2012 at 12:12 AM
It is interesting to know how other female persons can have different types of encouragement, attitudes, I thought that the Mexicans were warmer but I see that in other countries there other interesting types of women. I welcome your story is interesting and very striking, I will have to travel more often to learn about the different spirits and traditions.

Professor lyn, Greetings
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AnonymousAugust 20, 2021 at 7:08 PM
I've had three Italian women in my life, all are very warm and have a great s-drive, I think I'm destined to marry an Italian woman. Great review, professor.
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"Grips you, holds you, and leaves you with something profound!" Chris Ord, Editor of Travel Rag

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"An extraordinary travelogue. Lyn Fuchs seems to be up for anything and is an exhausting companion. I feel as if I have been bumped round the world in a week, waking only for the occasional surreal encounter, before bouncing on in a cloud of wacky ideas." John Gimlette, Author of At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig: Travels in Paraguay, Theatre of Fish: Travels in Newfoundland and Labrador, and Panther Soup: A European Journey in War and Peace

"Alternating between profundity and lunacy, Lyn Fuchs delivers a highly readable romp in his own search for the meaning of the universe." Sean O'Reilly, President and Founder of Auriga Distribution Group, Redbrazil.com, Riverinthesky, & Travelers' Tales

"I found Sacred Ground & Holy Water quite a tonic - a mixture of enjoyment and irreverence. Many teachers say that enlightenment doesn't come to those who deliberately set out to find it. If you are open, it finds you. One of the main feelings I got from this book is that Lyn Fuchs is an open traveler." Ben Box, Author of Footprint Travel Guides

"Five Stars! Fuchs is a deft raconteur, and he shows he can paint a compelling romantic description: 'While the northern turning leaves mark the passing of years and urge productivity, the southern rolling waves hint of changeless eons and instill contentment.' Give credit to Fuchs for getting his point across. As he writes, 'Like it or not, all cultures are forever changing and forever changed.' Globalization is impacting Mayan culture in Guatemala, for example. Traditional local celebrations are turning tacky and curious. Yet, Fuchs offers valuable insights into people and how culture is changing for good and bad. Lovers of travel should heed his advice to visit once-classic cultures before they disappear forever." Gary Klinga, Reviewer at ForeWord Reviews

"Instead of your typical guidebook tour, Lyn Fuchs looks up (always the best view). He says what he's thinking in his mind and reflects not just on what he's seeing but the big picture: how religion is presented, how people act/react, what people are wearing. It's fascinating - sort of a social anthropologist, but only the interesting stuff. I loved this book." Andy Hayes, Editor of Sharing Travel Experiences

"I loved how raw and honest this book is. I picked this up to read for awhile on a Saturday night before tossing a movie in the DVD player. Needless to say, I never made the movie. I read this whole book, start to finish, right then." Mystee Blackwood, Reviewer at GoodReads Reviews

"A uniquely witty and perceptive take on Mexico - Fresh Wind & Strange Fire again shows Lyn Fuchs to be not just a mere travel writer, but also a practical philosopher a la Montaigne, with a dash of Henry Miller's American humor and sexuality." Rick Skwiot, Author of Sleeping With Poncho Villa, Death In Mexico, and San Miguel De Allende, Mexico: Memoir of a Sensual Quest For Spiritual Healing

"This book is a gem and I highly recommend it. The writing is top-notch with just enough snark to make his anecdotes fun. I had a hard time putting this book away." Barry Huddleston, Reviewer at Gnostalgia Book Reviews

"Lyn Fuchs succeeds in his mission to get men attracted to reading spiritual literature. That too admirably! Spicy writing with a strong male perspective with more than an ample dash of wit and humour make Sacred Ground & Holy Water a very enjoyable read." Shweta Ganesh Kumar, CNN Correspondent and Travel Journalist

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is just as the title suggests: fresh, original and passionate. Fuchs grips the reader, from beginning to end, with his historical detail, humor and socio-political anecdotes. This is a must read for anyone who lives in or aspires to travel extensively thoughout Mexico." Deanna Proach, News Blaze

"The writing in Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is almost poetic and the history, philosophy and comedy reek of the human spirit in Mexico. I feel privileged to have read this work as it fulfilled everything I want out of a book. Comedy, suspense and self-reflection. This work demonstrates all of these, and the exemplary writing grasps the 'show, don't tell' philosophy that many writers fail to practice." Jairus Reddy, Publisher at Hobbes End Publishing

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is earthy, raw and vibrant. It has the B. Traven authenticity with a Hunter S. Thompson fire. The stories are graphic and well-written. They show you a side of Mexican society that most foreigners and many Mexicans will never know - sometimes seamy, sometimes just alive and real. The author spins his tales with well-written prose and vivid description. Individual cities and towns are highlighted, but more as a backdrop for the human stories. I know nearly all the places the author mentions (except for the dark sides, which I do not know) and he does a good job summing up the atmosphere of the towns. This book is not for those with sensitive imaginations. Some may even find it disturbing. But if you can read graphic modern detective novels and watch modern crime shows, you should enjoy it." Mexico Mike Nelson, Author of Live Better South of the Border

"Sacred Ground & Holy Water is a collection of travel stories, significant events and memorable experiences during the extensive travels of the author, Lyn Fuchs. It seems there has never been a dull moment in Fuchs' travels: from encounters with bears in Yosemite, enduring bone rattling bus journeys in Central America, paddling with orcas, taking part in the Day of the Dead in Mexico, experiencing Samurai in Japan, or simply reflecting on a cockroach that shares his morning shower or a beetle he discovers in his navel. Sacred Ground & Holy Water mixes humor and irony into experiences that can only come from spending a significant part of one's life traveling the world. There are over a dozen "Tales of Enlightenment," all told in memorable humorous prose. This is not classic travel nonfiction where you get lost in detailed descriptions of people or place. It reads more like a narrative equivalent of channel surfing - simply skipping to the most memorable parts of someone's personal memoirs." Matt Scott, Reviewer at Matador Travel Network

"Gonzo tourist Fuchs's account of way-off-the-beaten-path Mexico makes Anthony Bourdain appear reserved. His approach style is primitive and organic, with no first-world intercession or assistance. Only three pages in and he's solicited a fake passport, trial-and-errored peyote dosage, and had a tooth extracted with wincing crudeness by a "dentist." While he's more author Hunter S. Thompson than travel guide Rick Steves, and certainly sensational in his gleefully gritty pursuit of the real Mexico, he's not exploitive, cloying, or insincere and more often than not he reveals with acuity and bite a talent for finding the conceit (with prickling quotability). Though not your standard travel guide - no maps, agenda, index, or even photos are in this book - it is nonetheless vivid, and illuminatingly dense with lost histories of an unconsidered culture. Fuchs rambles (sometimes escaping) from Mayan and Mixtec barrios and villages to cities and towns, and opens up to everything from mafiosos and mystics to moles and iguanas. Fuchs offers unpredictable reading, recommended to those who like travel to challenge their perspective." Benjamin Malczewski, Library Journal