Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Colin Farrell Snags/Shags Ondine
A fisherman with a stinky life snags a supermodel (Alicja Bachleda) in his net. His wheelchair-bound daughter believes this fresh catch-of-the-day is a magical mythological creature from Scotland (out of whence also came her creepy stepfather).
To best enjoy Ondine, one should suspend all non-Irish belief, adopting the local creed or Trinity of Truth:
1) The world is composed of four basic elements - drunks, greenery, catholicism, and folk superstitions.
2) Life can be sobering (and few Irishmen want that), so a spoonful of childlike fantasy helps the existential medicine go down.
3) Most men (and all fishermen) lead lives of quiet desperation, but when a beautiful woman comes into your life (and actually likes you), it's the greatest miracle heaven can send.
Readers wishing to know my secret supermodel-fishing spot should send proof of purchase of Sacred Ground & Holy Water: One Man's Adventures In The Wild. Irish need not apply. No offense, but what would an Irishman do with a book anyway?
Wait! My publisher just reminded me that the hardcover and paperback versions make nifty adult-beverage coasters, plus owning such a literary work will no doubt impress any supermodels you happen to reel in.
Legal disclaimer: Irish lads should never attempt to rest a pint on the digital version. While binary flashes can perform wonders fit for Saint Patrick, they cannot even support a shot glass, no matter what the little green man on the next barstool tells you.