Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Colin Farrell Snags/Shags Ondine

Any movie lovers out there ready for something completely different? Join Colin Farrell on the emerald isle for an Irish-arts-funded film called Ondine. How's this for a story you haven't heard before?

A fisherman with a stinky life snags a supermodel (Alicja Bachleda) in his net. His wheelchair-bound daughter believes this fresh catch-of-the-day is a magical mythological creature from Scotland (out of whence also came her creepy stepfather).

Turns out there's a wee bit of confusion over who is the sick girl's father, who is the supermodel's husband, and how can we work some Romanian drug smugglers into this plot. Yet, in the end, love defines real family.

To best enjoy Ondine, one should suspend all non-Irish belief, adopting the local creed or Trinity of Truth:

1) The world is composed of four basic elements - drunks, greenery, catholicism, and folk superstitions.

2) Life can be sobering (and few Irishmen want that), so a spoonful of childlike fantasy helps the existential medicine go down.

3) Most men (and all fishermen) lead lives of quiet desperation, but when a beautiful woman comes into your life (and actually likes you), it's the greatest miracle heaven can send.

Readers wishing to know my secret supermodel-fishing spot should send proof of purchase of Sacred Ground & Holy Water: One Man's Adventures In The Wild. Irish need not apply. No offense, but what would an Irishman do with a book anyway?

Wait! My publisher just reminded me that the hardcover and paperback versions make nifty adult-beverage coasters, plus owning such a literary work will no doubt impress any supermodels you happen to reel in.

Legal disclaimer: Irish lads should never attempt to rest a pint on the digital version. While binary flashes can perform wonders fit for Saint Patrick, they cannot even support a shot glass, no matter what the little green man on the next barstool tells you.


  1. I rather like that local creed!

    I may have to send the Irish after you for that crack about the bookreading though...

  2. Actually, William, my Irish brothers are not the only concern. The site is now being flooded with traffic from Poland. Apparently, my implication that anyone's debauchery rivals that of the Poles is a serious attack on national pride. My sincere apologies to the Poles, who clearly deserve the title of world-class drunks as much as anybody ever has. Keep up the good work gentlemen. May the sauce be with you.

    Ohhh, now I get it! Just figured out the reason for the heavy Polish readership today. Alicja Bachleda, who plays Ondine, is Polish though Mexican born. A Mexican-born Polish actress in an Irish movie - talk about predisposed to drink! Anyway, that's why my Polish friends are here: not for the booze but the babe. So, many Polish cucumbers out there are not pickled but quite firm. Makes sense. Alicja looks like a woman who could "bring out the Pole" in any man.

  3. the girl in the photograph is a very beautiful doll.

  4. it`s boy is handsome and the girl is beautiful, i like look it`s movie.

  5. very beautiful. The woman in the photo looks very nice

  6. Is a romantic movie. The starring is handsome and she is very beautiful.
    Both do a good job!.

  7. : Luis Nieto

    The man is handsome
    the woman is beautiful
    the picture is very beautiful

  8. The photograph is a good woman is beautiful

  9. when i had seen the picture i said oh my god! she´s beautiful, and the background it´s nice.

  10. the image is very beautiful, have essence

  11. Gabriela Sanchez Gomez

    The protagonists of that image will be seen very handsome and cute

  12. the men is handsome,
    I like his hair.

    marleny juarez cayetano