Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Aussies Can Read! Who Knew?

Australians have been visiting the blog in record numbers this month. I'm excited about that. Why? Because I love Aussies. Why? Because they make Americans look almost civilized. Thus, to celebrate our new readers, we're hosting a giveaway. The first eight beautiful women who contact me will win a FREE trip-to-paradise "down under." (This may or may not have any connection to Australia.)

Plus, we've made my book Australian-friendly, by balancing its weight to the beer that Aussies carry in their other hand at all times. Sacred Ground & Holy Water is available to Australians through So, kiss your wife and mount your kangaroo (or vice versa) and get yourself to an Australian city that now has (or soon will have) computer technology.

I urge our nonaussie readers to welcome these new friends. They may be throwaway criminals to the Commonwealth, but to their mothers and those they deem their fathers, they are people of infinite value. Remember: when Ned Kelly was waiting for the gallows alone, not one copy of my book was available for him to read. I think it's time we set things right. A percentage of the profit from every Australian sale will go to someone named Ned or Kelly. G'day mates.

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